Today I am 23 weeks pregnant. Our little boy is growing and squirming and jabs me throughout the day. It is magic and I cherish it. Sometimes it tickles and sometimes it’s a little painful, but each time it reminds me that he is alive and well, just where he is supposed to be.
Two days of bedrest and I’m feeling much better. The pressure in my pelvis (the reason this whole scary episode started in the first place) has subsided a great deal. I no longer feel like there’s something bulging in my vagina and I am no longer conscious of my pelvis 24/7. My abdomen is still more sore than I would like but I haven’t had a sharp shooting pain since Thursday and that feels like some improvement.
On Wednesday, when I made the mad dash to my OB’s, my dear hubby had been at home all day with a terrible cold. I went home to get him and made him drive me 30 miles back to the OB’s office (which is near my work). Thursday he was still too sick to work and really too sick to take care of me, even if I needed it. So I called in reinforcements. We are so lucky that my family lives nearby! My mom brought us a stockpile of chicken noodle soup, crackers, and a beautiful pot of spring flowers to brighten up our dreary house. She did dishes and made us lunch before leaving us to nap.
Thankfully hubby was much better today and braved going back to work. Unfortunately, we need him to work more than I needed him at home. He doesn’t have a giant stockpile of vacation days like I do and what he does have we need to save for July, when hopefully the baby will arrive right on time.
I heard from my OB today and he feels that this episode is not uncommon and that it rarely results in anything “bad.” He thinks I need to lay low, rest up, and that we’ll keep a close eye on any changes if they occur. I have a follow-up appointment with him on Tuesday to check on my cervix and make sure they baby is still doing okay. If there are any worrisome changes before then, I am to go to an ER. If we discover any at Tuesday’s appointment, we will pursue further testing and explore other options. Until then, I am to relax, drink a lot of water, and stay off my feet.
Once DH got home from work tonight, I took a shower and feel so much better. Being clean and putting on clean clothes does wonders. How sad that that is the highlight of my day! I made a list and am sending him out to the grocery store and hoping he can pick up a few DVDs on the way home since I have watched every thing on our Tivo and I can only read so many books about pregnancy and labor a day.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Damn ** UPDATED
So um crap. I've been feeling a lot of pressure in my pelvis since last Thursday. At first it was in short bursts, but it got more frequent and intense until I got totally freaked out and called my doc today. They had me come in this afternoon. They checked my cervix and it is hard and closed, but they were concerned about what I thought was general abdominal tenderness, but which is really freaking early contractions, not of the braxton hicks type. Damn damn damn.
She checked the baby and his hb was fine and his fluid was good. He kicked me all afternoon so I felt pretty good that he was doing well even if my damn uterus is trying to mess with him.
The doc ordered two days of bedrest to start (I thought DH was going to faint when he heard her say that) plus nifedepine to stop the contractions. I'm supposed to check in on Monday to report back.
Please send us some good vibes. It is much too early for our little lion cub to even be thinking of making an appearance.
For now, I'm feet up on the couch with my water and my laptop, hoping to keep occupied...
**Updated to add that now that I've had time to think about it some more, I feel like an idiot. I was worried two months ago that two health issues (asthma and inflamatory bowel disease) put me at risk for preterm labor and that my old doc wasn't watching me closely enough. It turns out I wasn't watching me closely enough. I'm going to email my doc today to see what else I need to know and what comes next. I need to do everything I can to protect our little boy and make sure he gets the best start possible. I don't want to fail him.
She checked the baby and his hb was fine and his fluid was good. He kicked me all afternoon so I felt pretty good that he was doing well even if my damn uterus is trying to mess with him.
The doc ordered two days of bedrest to start (I thought DH was going to faint when he heard her say that) plus nifedepine to stop the contractions. I'm supposed to check in on Monday to report back.
Please send us some good vibes. It is much too early for our little lion cub to even be thinking of making an appearance.
For now, I'm feet up on the couch with my water and my laptop, hoping to keep occupied...
**Updated to add that now that I've had time to think about it some more, I feel like an idiot. I was worried two months ago that two health issues (asthma and inflamatory bowel disease) put me at risk for preterm labor and that my old doc wasn't watching me closely enough. It turns out I wasn't watching me closely enough. I'm going to email my doc today to see what else I need to know and what comes next. I need to do everything I can to protect our little boy and make sure he gets the best start possible. I don't want to fail him.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Great Day!
For weeks I’ve been feeling the baby move in my belly. It is as wonderous and magical as I imagined it would be. Every night as DH and I watch TV I tell him to put his hand on my tummy, hoping he’ll be able to feel it too. Up until now, he just gets the feeling of my pulse.
All afternoon at work I felt pressure in my pelvis and was a little worried something might be amiss. Then I realized that the baby is deep in my pelvis. And he’s moving. Pushing and jabbing and making himself comfy. I’ll deal with discomfort if it means he’s active. On the drive home I put my hand on my lower abdomen and felt him move. From the outside! As soon as I got home I rushed inside and sat down and make DH put his hand there and sure enough, he felt it. His eyes lit up and he was so excited. He immediately started talking to the belly, saying hello. LOL.
Feels like a big milestone for us. One I’m thrilled we had a chance to reach.
The pregnancy is more than half over now. I’ll be 22w on Friday, which completely amazes me.
Other great things from this week:
• I switched to a new, kinder, gentler OB this week and am so relieved to have that all worked out. He delivers at a hospital with birthing suites that allow mom, dad and baby to room in for the duration of the stay (versus shared rooms at most other area hospitals). He delivers all his own patients (totally unheard of locally). He also dealt personally with infertility. I feel like I finally had a doctor who would understand all the emotional things that come with having a child after IF and is patient enough to help me work through them.
• My dad ordered our stroller. ☺ It’s the gift he gives to his kids on the birth of their first child apparently (he did it for both my brothers). I can’t wait to see it in person.
• We are closer to deciding what to do about childcare and DH and I are excited about our compromise.
• I figured out our taxes and instead of owing thousands as we have for the past three years (I suck at estimating our deductions), we are getting money back! Woohoo!
• We have plans to fix up the backyard so the lion cub and I can enjoy it this summer. Yea!
All afternoon at work I felt pressure in my pelvis and was a little worried something might be amiss. Then I realized that the baby is deep in my pelvis. And he’s moving. Pushing and jabbing and making himself comfy. I’ll deal with discomfort if it means he’s active. On the drive home I put my hand on my lower abdomen and felt him move. From the outside! As soon as I got home I rushed inside and sat down and make DH put his hand there and sure enough, he felt it. His eyes lit up and he was so excited. He immediately started talking to the belly, saying hello. LOL.
Feels like a big milestone for us. One I’m thrilled we had a chance to reach.
The pregnancy is more than half over now. I’ll be 22w on Friday, which completely amazes me.
Other great things from this week:
• I switched to a new, kinder, gentler OB this week and am so relieved to have that all worked out. He delivers at a hospital with birthing suites that allow mom, dad and baby to room in for the duration of the stay (versus shared rooms at most other area hospitals). He delivers all his own patients (totally unheard of locally). He also dealt personally with infertility. I feel like I finally had a doctor who would understand all the emotional things that come with having a child after IF and is patient enough to help me work through them.
• My dad ordered our stroller. ☺ It’s the gift he gives to his kids on the birth of their first child apparently (he did it for both my brothers). I can’t wait to see it in person.
• We are closer to deciding what to do about childcare and DH and I are excited about our compromise.
• I figured out our taxes and instead of owing thousands as we have for the past three years (I suck at estimating our deductions), we are getting money back! Woohoo!
• We have plans to fix up the backyard so the lion cub and I can enjoy it this summer. Yea!
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
It's a boy
We had our big u/s today and found out that we are having a boy. We are thrilled and so excited to meet him this summer.
I heard all about how great the big u/s is supposed to be and ours was so not that. The u/s itself was a little less than thrilling -- the tech wasn't allowed to tell us what was going on and it was not set up so I could see (no screen for me) but she did let me use a makeup mirror to take peeks at the screen. She was allowed to show us the full gender shot and it seemed obvious to all of us (DH and my mom were there too). She printed a few picutres but most of them are fuzzy. Oh well, at least we got to take a sneak peak and find out that we are expecting a son.
Regardless of how the actual u/s went, I was relieved that he seemed to be doing well and that I could count all his parts and watch him move a little. It feels incredible to have made it this far.
I heard all about how great the big u/s is supposed to be and ours was so not that. The u/s itself was a little less than thrilling -- the tech wasn't allowed to tell us what was going on and it was not set up so I could see (no screen for me) but she did let me use a makeup mirror to take peeks at the screen. She was allowed to show us the full gender shot and it seemed obvious to all of us (DH and my mom were there too). She printed a few picutres but most of them are fuzzy. Oh well, at least we got to take a sneak peak and find out that we are expecting a son.
Regardless of how the actual u/s went, I was relieved that he seemed to be doing well and that I could count all his parts and watch him move a little. It feels incredible to have made it this far.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
I’m scared
Tomorrow (Wednesday) is our anatomical u/s and all I can think about is how awful it would be if things didn’t look good. Hubby is absolutely giddy at the thought of finally knowing the sex of our child but all I can think about is how awful it will be if something isn’t right. I have no reason to think anything is wrong – other than some early bleeding, the pregnancy has been great with the baby measuring just right at every stage. The closer I get to the appointment the more scared I get.
I wish the fear would ease up at some point, but I know too much about all that can go wrong to ever really relax. Too many terrible things have happened to my friends IRL and in the IF community for me to believe that a healthy child is ever a sure thing.
I wish the fear would ease up at some point, but I know too much about all that can go wrong to ever really relax. Too many terrible things have happened to my friends IRL and in the IF community for me to believe that a healthy child is ever a sure thing.
Friday, February 8, 2008
If this is a dream, please don’t wake me
Where did January go? All month long I meant to post an update, any update, on our progress and I just couldn’t do it. I was nervous, and busy, and totally preoccupied. I wanted to share all of my concerns and joys with my fellow stirrup queens and just couldn’t get it together. I’m sorry.
I spent all of January in a haze. Thrilled one minute at the wonder of a real live pregnancy and totally terrified the next that it was really a very elaborate, life-like dream that was about to end quite abruptly as soon as the alarm went off. There were a million waking moments were my own life seemed too good to be true. How else to explain that after three years of heartbreak we finally conceived a child that seems to be doing well? And conceived on the eve of our 4th anniversary while in Paris no less! It’s definitely too good to be real life.
But then I feel movement. Little tiny flutters or a sharp thump and even I can’t deny that that must be real.
I spent most of January fretting about things that I have little control over – studies saying I’m at increased risk of adverse pregnancy and delivery outcomes because I have ulcerative colitis. Fears of gestational diabetes. Frustration that the hospital at which my doctor delivers is not known for mom or family friendly birth experiences. When we couldn’t conceive, I thought that I wouldn’t care about any of it, that nothing would matter if I had a healthy baby at the end of it. I was wrong. A healthy live baby is still the most important thing, but as I get farther along (18 weeks today!), the other stuff matters too. I want this experience to be as positive as possible. As I commented on Mel’s post about baby showers, if this is the only chance I get to do this, I want it to be good. I want to feel good and be as happy as I can be. I don’t want to be disappointed when it’s all over and look back with regret.
To help me feel good and embrace this amazing thing, I started whole birth prenatal yoga last month. It’s led by a doula/prenatal massage/lacation consultant who is also a yogi. She is a riot and I love the class. We spend an hour talking about pregnancy, usually with a topic of conversation, and then spend an hour doing yoga, focused on helping the body prepare for labor and motherhood. My fellow classmates have really helped me focus on the things I can do to make this experience all I want it to be, and let go of the rest. They are the best fertile friends an IF girl could have.
I know lots of other women who struggled with IF that refuse to prepare for a baby who might not be, and I expected I would be one of them. I’m not. DH and I spent the week after Christmas window shopping at every baby store within a 20 mile radius. We picked out a stroller, researched cribs, looked for a glider for the nursery and had a blast dreaming about our baby to be. A few weeks ago a crib I loved (but couldn’t afford) at super posh local baby boutique was dramatically marked down in their closing sale and we bought it and brought it home. And a few weeks after that we found the perfect glider at Costco and brought it home too (our family mantra is if you see it once at Costco and don’t buy then it will be gone next week). So instead of waiting until we are “safely” in the third trimester, we went whole hog and finished furnishing the nursery as soon as I was in the second. Sometimes I find DH in there stroking the soft velvet of the chair or staring longingly over the rail of the crib and it just breaks my heart.
I spent all of January in a haze. Thrilled one minute at the wonder of a real live pregnancy and totally terrified the next that it was really a very elaborate, life-like dream that was about to end quite abruptly as soon as the alarm went off. There were a million waking moments were my own life seemed too good to be true. How else to explain that after three years of heartbreak we finally conceived a child that seems to be doing well? And conceived on the eve of our 4th anniversary while in Paris no less! It’s definitely too good to be real life.
But then I feel movement. Little tiny flutters or a sharp thump and even I can’t deny that that must be real.
I spent most of January fretting about things that I have little control over – studies saying I’m at increased risk of adverse pregnancy and delivery outcomes because I have ulcerative colitis. Fears of gestational diabetes. Frustration that the hospital at which my doctor delivers is not known for mom or family friendly birth experiences. When we couldn’t conceive, I thought that I wouldn’t care about any of it, that nothing would matter if I had a healthy baby at the end of it. I was wrong. A healthy live baby is still the most important thing, but as I get farther along (18 weeks today!), the other stuff matters too. I want this experience to be as positive as possible. As I commented on Mel’s post about baby showers, if this is the only chance I get to do this, I want it to be good. I want to feel good and be as happy as I can be. I don’t want to be disappointed when it’s all over and look back with regret.
To help me feel good and embrace this amazing thing, I started whole birth prenatal yoga last month. It’s led by a doula/prenatal massage/lacation consultant who is also a yogi. She is a riot and I love the class. We spend an hour talking about pregnancy, usually with a topic of conversation, and then spend an hour doing yoga, focused on helping the body prepare for labor and motherhood. My fellow classmates have really helped me focus on the things I can do to make this experience all I want it to be, and let go of the rest. They are the best fertile friends an IF girl could have.
I know lots of other women who struggled with IF that refuse to prepare for a baby who might not be, and I expected I would be one of them. I’m not. DH and I spent the week after Christmas window shopping at every baby store within a 20 mile radius. We picked out a stroller, researched cribs, looked for a glider for the nursery and had a blast dreaming about our baby to be. A few weeks ago a crib I loved (but couldn’t afford) at super posh local baby boutique was dramatically marked down in their closing sale and we bought it and brought it home. And a few weeks after that we found the perfect glider at Costco and brought it home too (our family mantra is if you see it once at Costco and don’t buy then it will be gone next week). So instead of waiting until we are “safely” in the third trimester, we went whole hog and finished furnishing the nursery as soon as I was in the second. Sometimes I find DH in there stroking the soft velvet of the chair or staring longingly over the rail of the crib and it just breaks my heart.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Holiday catch-up
Things have been a little crazy around here. Scott and I take turns looking at each other every couple of days and asking if it is really real. Neither of us can believe that we actually managed to get pregnant, much less on our own, while on our dream vacation. Sure, I miscarried weeks before and that sucked (its suckiness hits me sometimes when I see women who are as pregnant as I'd be if that one little thing had stuck around). For all we knew it would take us another 18 months or IVF to get pregnant for good. How fabulously wrong we were -- for the better.
So around 10 weeks I started feeling better. It didn't last long! I had a great week though -- DH and I did some shopping and mailed off our Xmas cards and the gifts to his families. I made a great superman cape for our nephew. After that, I lost a lot of steam, seemingly overnight!
My family holidays have a special craziness. My older brother's bday is the 20th, my younger brother's bday is the 22nd and of course mine is the 27th. We were raised in a very Catholic household and Christmas was a special time all its own. But our family took it (and still takes it) to a whole other level. Growing up, we only had cake in December. And we fought to have separate parties. These days we all just hope to get calls on our big day and are happy to have a little private peace to our selves.
On the 22nd, we met up with my brother and his wife for a little hockey game. My SIL ordered my brother a box of chicago love -- chicago dogs and pizza and cheesecake. It was crazy -- everything (mustard and all!) was packed on dry ice. We all pigged out before the game and Joe and I were totally sick through the first two periods. I ended up throwing up at an intermission and then felt better. But a word to the wise -- chicago dogs are NOT good on the way back out. Those peppers burn! LOL. Our team lost but we had fun anyway -- we were also celebrating their new pregnancy. :) They have a 17 month old daughter and really wanted another child for a long time and were really worried about whether it would happen, given my brother's poor health this year and his scary prognosis. And we are all thrilled that we'll get to share this new thing together. My SIL and I are the only girls in our families and have been close since she started dating my brother 10 years ago, despite a 7 year age gap. They are so supportive of us and I'm so glad we are in a place were we can be supportive right back.
On the eve of Xmas eve I did a little more sewing and then took a nap before dinner with my dad and his wife. It was the only time we could find for us to get together and it turned out to be a really nice chance to just sit and talk with them instead of trying to talk in between seeing tons of other relatives. My dad already has 4 grandchildren but is very cautiously excited for us. He's more cautious than I would have expected considering that he's a big optimist, but I think seeing us so sad and scared for so long had an effect on him too and he doesn't want to get his hopes up too high. He prays for us and in our darkest hours was a real comfort to both of us with his trademark phrase -- God is good, God is great.
After dinner with my dad, I stayed up late sewing more capes for two more adorable nephews -- this time personalized with their own super hero emblems. :)
Christmas eve I was exhausted and a little stressed. We had a lot to do to get the house ready for a party for 10 adults and 4 kids. The living room had to be totally rearranged and I wasn't in the best shape to help. Poor hubby! We stayed up until 1:30 sewing and wrapping gifts and getting set up.
We slept in Christmas morning and had TJ's chocolate croissants for breakfast while opening our stockings. We decided months ago not to exchange gifts and it sounded great in theory but was tough to do in practice so we compromised and exchanged stocking stuffers. It was fun to think of sweet little things he would like. :) It turned out great and we both felt a nice sense of abundance even without any big gifts.
I made the mistake of making a regular weekend breakfast after that. So not a good idea. I spent the hours I was supposed to be getting food ready throwing up in our kitchen sink. Yuck! My lightbulb moment hit just as I was supposed to get dressed -- too much food, even two bites too many, means throwing up. So STOP eating!
The family thing was fun. My mom and G'ma came and brought my uncle and his longtime gf. They'd never been to our house so it was a treat to show off all our hard work. My brother's both were here with their four kids (six weeks to almost 3). The oldest napped through half the party and had to be bribed with presents to wake up. ;) The middle two are 4 months apart and are funny without even talking. They would walk up to the buffet, and reach up over their head to grab whatever food might be in reach. They ate everything they could get their little tiny hands on and left powdered sugar hand prints all over everything as proof! Baby Ali, just six weeks old, was a darling in her Christmas dress and sweetly slept through the party too. Opening gifts was a sight to behold -- paper everywhere -- but everyone seemed happy with their gifts. We even got one for Baby K -- a pair of tiny pink shoes with lions on them. We have no idea if it will be a girl, but we love lions and pink lions things are rare so my SIL snapped them up.
After everyone left we checked our mail and I was surprised to discover that I'd gotten my annual benefits letter from work and it included news of a raise, a promotion and a bonus. What a great gift! I work for a non-profit and never in a million years expected a bonus. I'm really thankful though as it will come in handy for all the things we need now that we didn't think we'd ever have to buy.
After everything calmed down we called to check in with the ILs and got another surprise. My SIL, the one with the 2 year old who came to visit in October, is also pg and is due 3 days before me. I wish I could say I handled the news well but I didn't. Instead of a feeling my own pregnant zen, I was a bitter pissed of IFer again. It really freaking stung. She's 40 and got pg both times without much effort. That alone kicks my ass. I know it shouldn't. But it does. I started trying when I was 31. And it took us 15 cycles to get pg, only to miscarry. Then 18 more to get pg again, only to miscarry badly. Sure I'm pg now but damn did that road suck. And hearing the ease with which other's conceive still kicks my ass apparently. I'm also a bit bitter than our child will have to share so much from the very beginning. SIL lives near the ILs, several hundred miles away from us. I can't imagine that they'll make the trip to see our little one when their daughter has one a few minutes away.
I spent the days after Christmas in a haze. I napped a lot and dreamed about our baby. At twelve weeks it really started to feel real. As the year drew to a close and a new year started, a year when we'd finally be parents, all I could think about was: This new year is the year we get our dream come true. Don't get me wrong, I still have moments, and heck days, when I get terrified that things will all go fantastically wrong, a larger part of me believes that this is finally our turn for things to go fantastically right. And I want to enjoy it, for all its wonder.
And my last bit of update: I had my 12 week check up today. All bloodwork and tests were fine, I lost a pound (thanks to a lingering cold) which is fine since I am overweight to begin with, bp is fine, all looks good. And we finally got to hear the hb, at a wondrous 150 bpm. Doc is happy with my progress and shares our wonder at our happy situation. She confirmed that at this point as long as all screening comes back fine, we are on cruise control for now, with good things on the horizon. NT scan is Monday and we'll get our results then.
I hope the new year brings peace and good things to all my fellow stirrup queens.
So around 10 weeks I started feeling better. It didn't last long! I had a great week though -- DH and I did some shopping and mailed off our Xmas cards and the gifts to his families. I made a great superman cape for our nephew. After that, I lost a lot of steam, seemingly overnight!
My family holidays have a special craziness. My older brother's bday is the 20th, my younger brother's bday is the 22nd and of course mine is the 27th. We were raised in a very Catholic household and Christmas was a special time all its own. But our family took it (and still takes it) to a whole other level. Growing up, we only had cake in December. And we fought to have separate parties. These days we all just hope to get calls on our big day and are happy to have a little private peace to our selves.
On the 22nd, we met up with my brother and his wife for a little hockey game. My SIL ordered my brother a box of chicago love -- chicago dogs and pizza and cheesecake. It was crazy -- everything (mustard and all!) was packed on dry ice. We all pigged out before the game and Joe and I were totally sick through the first two periods. I ended up throwing up at an intermission and then felt better. But a word to the wise -- chicago dogs are NOT good on the way back out. Those peppers burn! LOL. Our team lost but we had fun anyway -- we were also celebrating their new pregnancy. :) They have a 17 month old daughter and really wanted another child for a long time and were really worried about whether it would happen, given my brother's poor health this year and his scary prognosis. And we are all thrilled that we'll get to share this new thing together. My SIL and I are the only girls in our families and have been close since she started dating my brother 10 years ago, despite a 7 year age gap. They are so supportive of us and I'm so glad we are in a place were we can be supportive right back.
On the eve of Xmas eve I did a little more sewing and then took a nap before dinner with my dad and his wife. It was the only time we could find for us to get together and it turned out to be a really nice chance to just sit and talk with them instead of trying to talk in between seeing tons of other relatives. My dad already has 4 grandchildren but is very cautiously excited for us. He's more cautious than I would have expected considering that he's a big optimist, but I think seeing us so sad and scared for so long had an effect on him too and he doesn't want to get his hopes up too high. He prays for us and in our darkest hours was a real comfort to both of us with his trademark phrase -- God is good, God is great.
After dinner with my dad, I stayed up late sewing more capes for two more adorable nephews -- this time personalized with their own super hero emblems. :)
Christmas eve I was exhausted and a little stressed. We had a lot to do to get the house ready for a party for 10 adults and 4 kids. The living room had to be totally rearranged and I wasn't in the best shape to help. Poor hubby! We stayed up until 1:30 sewing and wrapping gifts and getting set up.
We slept in Christmas morning and had TJ's chocolate croissants for breakfast while opening our stockings. We decided months ago not to exchange gifts and it sounded great in theory but was tough to do in practice so we compromised and exchanged stocking stuffers. It was fun to think of sweet little things he would like. :) It turned out great and we both felt a nice sense of abundance even without any big gifts.
I made the mistake of making a regular weekend breakfast after that. So not a good idea. I spent the hours I was supposed to be getting food ready throwing up in our kitchen sink. Yuck! My lightbulb moment hit just as I was supposed to get dressed -- too much food, even two bites too many, means throwing up. So STOP eating!
The family thing was fun. My mom and G'ma came and brought my uncle and his longtime gf. They'd never been to our house so it was a treat to show off all our hard work. My brother's both were here with their four kids (six weeks to almost 3). The oldest napped through half the party and had to be bribed with presents to wake up. ;) The middle two are 4 months apart and are funny without even talking. They would walk up to the buffet, and reach up over their head to grab whatever food might be in reach. They ate everything they could get their little tiny hands on and left powdered sugar hand prints all over everything as proof! Baby Ali, just six weeks old, was a darling in her Christmas dress and sweetly slept through the party too. Opening gifts was a sight to behold -- paper everywhere -- but everyone seemed happy with their gifts. We even got one for Baby K -- a pair of tiny pink shoes with lions on them. We have no idea if it will be a girl, but we love lions and pink lions things are rare so my SIL snapped them up.
After everyone left we checked our mail and I was surprised to discover that I'd gotten my annual benefits letter from work and it included news of a raise, a promotion and a bonus. What a great gift! I work for a non-profit and never in a million years expected a bonus. I'm really thankful though as it will come in handy for all the things we need now that we didn't think we'd ever have to buy.
After everything calmed down we called to check in with the ILs and got another surprise. My SIL, the one with the 2 year old who came to visit in October, is also pg and is due 3 days before me. I wish I could say I handled the news well but I didn't. Instead of a feeling my own pregnant zen, I was a bitter pissed of IFer again. It really freaking stung. She's 40 and got pg both times without much effort. That alone kicks my ass. I know it shouldn't. But it does. I started trying when I was 31. And it took us 15 cycles to get pg, only to miscarry. Then 18 more to get pg again, only to miscarry badly. Sure I'm pg now but damn did that road suck. And hearing the ease with which other's conceive still kicks my ass apparently. I'm also a bit bitter than our child will have to share so much from the very beginning. SIL lives near the ILs, several hundred miles away from us. I can't imagine that they'll make the trip to see our little one when their daughter has one a few minutes away.
I spent the days after Christmas in a haze. I napped a lot and dreamed about our baby. At twelve weeks it really started to feel real. As the year drew to a close and a new year started, a year when we'd finally be parents, all I could think about was: This new year is the year we get our dream come true. Don't get me wrong, I still have moments, and heck days, when I get terrified that things will all go fantastically wrong, a larger part of me believes that this is finally our turn for things to go fantastically right. And I want to enjoy it, for all its wonder.
And my last bit of update: I had my 12 week check up today. All bloodwork and tests were fine, I lost a pound (thanks to a lingering cold) which is fine since I am overweight to begin with, bp is fine, all looks good. And we finally got to hear the hb, at a wondrous 150 bpm. Doc is happy with my progress and shares our wonder at our happy situation. She confirmed that at this point as long as all screening comes back fine, we are on cruise control for now, with good things on the horizon. NT scan is Monday and we'll get our results then.
I hope the new year brings peace and good things to all my fellow stirrup queens.
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