Tuesday's beta: 198 (4w6d)
Thursday's beta: 225 (5w1d)
I started cramping and spotting yesterday afternoon and came home and rested last night. I stayed home from work today -- I am scared to death and just can't concentrate on work.
My doc isn't convinced it is the end of the line. She says she's seen weird things turn into healthy babies. I'll repeat betas over the weekend and see her wednesday. Besides miscarriage, I am on ectopic watch. Oh the joy!
I'm trying to keep my chin up but it's tough. I'll update when I have news.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Thursday, August 30, 2007
August
I realized on the way home last night that August has been a big month for Scott and I. It was August 2001 that we decided, on our first weekend trip together, that we wanted to get married and have children some day. In August of 2002, he decided to ask his mother the ring he later gave me when he proposed (it was a gift from his grandmother to his mother on her wedding day).
In August of 2004, as our first anniversary approached we spent weeks discussing whether we should participate in his families’ globe trotting or save our money and vacation time for the baby we hoped to have in 2005 (we chose stay home). All the conversations boiled down to Paris or day care and I chose day care. I wanted a child more than I wanted to see or do anything, including a house (which was his first choice).
In August of 2005, I called my OB/GYN in tears to ask for help. We’d been charting and using OPKs since January of that year and no matter what we did (Pre-seed, Robitussin, you name it we tried it), I was still not pregnant and every month I spotted for three days before my period. She took mercy on me and referred to an RE.
In August of last year, I had a bad injectables cycle. It started bad when on CD3 I only had 5, yes only 5, antral follicles. I had been nervous about the count for months as it dwindled, from a high of 20, for no apparent reason. That cycle I hit the wall and cried uncle. I was done with IUIs and knew it was time to move on to IVF. My favorite NP agreed despite months of reassuring me that it was not cause for concern. She said with a count that low, I had months to get it done before I ran out of time. Months. I cried every day that August as we consulted three IVF docs and poured over our records and begged someone to help us sort out how we went from unexplained, “no problem getting us pregnant,” “worried about multiples,” to “you may have to consider an egg donor.” I was freaking the fuck out.
Two of the docs we consulted had kind words for us and calmed both of us down. One said the antral counts were wrong (he checked) and we had at least a year before we needed to come back. Another said he wasn’t convinced I couldn’t conceive on my own and that I should follow his prescription (lose weight, take baby aspirin and a b-complex supplement) and see him in 6 months if I wasn’t pregnant. Six months came and went and we didn’t go see him. I was terrified. We were broke and couldn’t afford IVF. We waited and waited and waited.
And then of course there is this August. My insurance changed to offer some coverage for IVF. It felt like we were starting over. Like the slate was clean. Like the excitement was back. I felt happy and hopeful and satisfied. All of that before we made our recent, oh so exciting discovery.
As for the beta, I haven’t received those results yet. I’m sure they are ready but I am not ready to hear them. I have a follow-up scheduled for Thursday and we decided to get the results of both tests on Friday. I’m taking progesterone suppositories, which I started on my own after one little spot on Saturday night. Seemed like a good idea. They were still good and I didn’t want this to go away while I waited to see a doc. The OB I saw Tuesday agreed and gave the thumbs up on continuing. I still feel pregnant (sleepy, aching boobs, nausea) but I know that could be from the suppositories. I've taken them 10 times before and never felt like this so I've decided to consider it a good sign.
So Friday. I really will post my betas. I swear.
In August of 2004, as our first anniversary approached we spent weeks discussing whether we should participate in his families’ globe trotting or save our money and vacation time for the baby we hoped to have in 2005 (we chose stay home). All the conversations boiled down to Paris or day care and I chose day care. I wanted a child more than I wanted to see or do anything, including a house (which was his first choice).
In August of 2005, I called my OB/GYN in tears to ask for help. We’d been charting and using OPKs since January of that year and no matter what we did (Pre-seed, Robitussin, you name it we tried it), I was still not pregnant and every month I spotted for three days before my period. She took mercy on me and referred to an RE.
In August of last year, I had a bad injectables cycle. It started bad when on CD3 I only had 5, yes only 5, antral follicles. I had been nervous about the count for months as it dwindled, from a high of 20, for no apparent reason. That cycle I hit the wall and cried uncle. I was done with IUIs and knew it was time to move on to IVF. My favorite NP agreed despite months of reassuring me that it was not cause for concern. She said with a count that low, I had months to get it done before I ran out of time. Months. I cried every day that August as we consulted three IVF docs and poured over our records and begged someone to help us sort out how we went from unexplained, “no problem getting us pregnant,” “worried about multiples,” to “you may have to consider an egg donor.” I was freaking the fuck out.
Two of the docs we consulted had kind words for us and calmed both of us down. One said the antral counts were wrong (he checked) and we had at least a year before we needed to come back. Another said he wasn’t convinced I couldn’t conceive on my own and that I should follow his prescription (lose weight, take baby aspirin and a b-complex supplement) and see him in 6 months if I wasn’t pregnant. Six months came and went and we didn’t go see him. I was terrified. We were broke and couldn’t afford IVF. We waited and waited and waited.
And then of course there is this August. My insurance changed to offer some coverage for IVF. It felt like we were starting over. Like the slate was clean. Like the excitement was back. I felt happy and hopeful and satisfied. All of that before we made our recent, oh so exciting discovery.
As for the beta, I haven’t received those results yet. I’m sure they are ready but I am not ready to hear them. I have a follow-up scheduled for Thursday and we decided to get the results of both tests on Friday. I’m taking progesterone suppositories, which I started on my own after one little spot on Saturday night. Seemed like a good idea. They were still good and I didn’t want this to go away while I waited to see a doc. The OB I saw Tuesday agreed and gave the thumbs up on continuing. I still feel pregnant (sleepy, aching boobs, nausea) but I know that could be from the suppositories. I've taken them 10 times before and never felt like this so I've decided to consider it a good sign.
So Friday. I really will post my betas. I swear.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
It's been a fun week
I spent all day Monday in a fog, exhausted from a bit too much activity on Sunday and staying up way past my bedtime. Midday, I called and was able to get a follow-up appointment with my OB for Wednesday.
On my way home Monday I got a voicemail from my doc that said the pregnancy test was positive and that she'd see me Wednesday. She also said if there was any more pain or spotting to come right in.
This morning I had more cramping, this time on my left side. I've had ulcerative colitis for 17 years so that isn't unusual but they had me sufficiently freaked out that I called the nurse again. I went in at 11 am this morning to see a different doc. I found out when I went in that the blood test done Sunday in the ER was not a beta (WTF? how does one turn a BHCG test into PREGS?). Crap. The result was positive but we don't know how positive. Anyway, we did an ultrasound on which the doc could see nothing but a nice lush lining, no free fluid or cysts. None of us expected to see anything anyway and we were happy that at least she took a look. She also did a pelvic exam and said the uterus feels big for the dates. I did another blood test, which should be a beta, and have instructions for a follow-up on Thursday.
I'm scheduled for my next ultrasound on Monday, 9/10. Until then we hope the numbers double and the cramping subsides.
On my way home Monday I got a voicemail from my doc that said the pregnancy test was positive and that she'd see me Wednesday. She also said if there was any more pain or spotting to come right in.
This morning I had more cramping, this time on my left side. I've had ulcerative colitis for 17 years so that isn't unusual but they had me sufficiently freaked out that I called the nurse again. I went in at 11 am this morning to see a different doc. I found out when I went in that the blood test done Sunday in the ER was not a beta (WTF? how does one turn a BHCG test into PREGS?). Crap. The result was positive but we don't know how positive. Anyway, we did an ultrasound on which the doc could see nothing but a nice lush lining, no free fluid or cysts. None of us expected to see anything anyway and we were happy that at least she took a look. She also did a pelvic exam and said the uterus feels big for the dates. I did another blood test, which should be a beta, and have instructions for a follow-up on Thursday.
I'm scheduled for my next ultrasound on Monday, 9/10. Until then we hope the numbers double and the cramping subsides.
Monday, August 27, 2007
Well that was fun
I called the advice nurse on Sunday evening to make an appointment with my OB/GYN. She went over all my stats and upon hearing I had cramping and a little spotting she asked me to go to the ER. I told her that I didn’t think they’d be able to do or see anything but she asked me to go anyway. So I did. And we waited for 3.5 hours to be seen and then the doctor almost laughed at me. I agreed it seemed ridiculous – I’m barely pregnant.
Anyway, they were relieved when all I wanted them to do was a beta. It seemed simple enough so they agreed. And gave me the lab slip for the follow-up on Tuesday. woohoo!
So I had to stay up way past my bedtime but the blood test is being done. Should have results Monday afternoon.
Anyway, they were relieved when all I wanted them to do was a beta. It seemed simple enough so they agreed. And gave me the lab slip for the follow-up on Tuesday. woohoo!
So I had to stay up way past my bedtime but the blood test is being done. Should have results Monday afternoon.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Holy shit!
I took a pregnancy test today. I didn’t think it would be positive but the case of the missing period was annoying. I tried to be all casual and cool about it so I did the dip and brushed my teeth. I almost choked on toothpaste as the second line showed up. It wasn’t bright at first so I stared hard. And there it was. It is now plain as day and I really can’t believe it. We have been trying to get pregnant for almost three years. We did one full year of treatment, which resulted in one chemical pregnancy. I’ve never even been late before.
I have no idea what changed. I sort of don’t care. For today I’m pregnant, and hopefully will be for a good long 8 or so months to go.
I have no idea what changed. I sort of don’t care. For today I’m pregnant, and hopefully will be for a good long 8 or so months to go.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Summer shirt success
I made my fourth shirt this weekend. The first three were a bit of a disappointment but this third one is just what I wanted. I used Simplicity 4177 and made view D. I made the Built by Wendy version of this pattern on Saturday but it was way too small. This one is really similar (the instructions are almost identical) so I altered this pattern to make it simpler. I skipped the neckline facing (because I didn’t want a split collar), all the trims, the neck tie, and the hem on the sleeves (I did a stay stitch instead). The bottom section was too tight so I added small panels to get a better fit – when I added them I did a French seam with the raw edges showing.
I love the casual look of it and it is super comfy. Finally!
I love the casual look of it and it is super comfy. Finally!
Thursday, August 23, 2007
hope is being a bitch
For those of you who read this who aren't interested in conception, stop reading. ;) For the others, WTF? I'm two days late. I'm never late. This wouldn't be a big deal, but the lateless has invited hope to my house and um, we don't really get along that well. She's screwed me too many times to count. And I told her not to come back until I can get on an IVF calendar in the fall. Why is she messing with me???? Why now?
In other news, I got written confirmation today that the new insurance does in fact cover IVF. Unless my doc is really good at working the insurance company, I doubt it will cover the whole thing (there is a $5K per person lifetime limit), but it will seriously save my butt financially. We just could not afford to pay for it on our own. So I will take the coverage they have offerred and be thankful. Some really is better than none.
And if this whole late thing pans out to be the very very unexpected, I might die laughing at the joke. Switch insurance to get coverage and find out you are pregnant? That is a piece of assvice even I haven't heard before.
In other news, I got written confirmation today that the new insurance does in fact cover IVF. Unless my doc is really good at working the insurance company, I doubt it will cover the whole thing (there is a $5K per person lifetime limit), but it will seriously save my butt financially. We just could not afford to pay for it on our own. So I will take the coverage they have offerred and be thankful. Some really is better than none.
And if this whole late thing pans out to be the very very unexpected, I might die laughing at the joke. Switch insurance to get coverage and find out you are pregnant? That is a piece of assvice even I haven't heard before.
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