Ugh

The choices I outlined in my previous post just didn't work for me. I had a meltdown at work and did the only thing I could think of -- I went to talk to our HR director who I knew to be sympathetic. She saved my day.

The HR director sent me to a nearby clinic see a new doc this afternoon. The docs were a little perplexed by my situation (low beta, bleeding, cramping) in a brand new patient but they handled it well. I explained what I understood to be my options and they agreed with everything except the sedation policies of my doc/hmo. The new docs decided to persue the same course of action as my old doc -- repeat the beta and if it hasn't dropped significantly, do a dose of methotrexate and keep watch on the betas until it goes to zero. If it has gone up again, then it's a whole different ball of wax. If it gets to that I'm promised proper (read knock you out) drugs. That small promise makes a world of difference to me.

As for my previous bad experience with the hysteroscopy (to remove a unterine polyp) and concious sedation, I thought I was prepared, having had similiar sedation for 5 colonoscopies in the same outpatient center. I was severely mistaken. I was awake and crying through the whole thing. I could feel everything -- the dilation and the cutting. It was truly awful. Something I hope never to repeat.

Hopefully the uncertainty won't last much longer. I'm so ready for this to be over.

No new numbers today

I didn't hear from my doc today with the weekend's beta numbers. It is just as well. I had work to do today and I wouldn't have been able to think of anything else if I had heard the phone ring.

There was some let up today in the spotting. Other than crazy acne and totally wacky moodiness (teary one minute, joyous the next), I'm feeling good.

I see my doc Wednesday morning. I think we'll be doing an ultrasound and reviewing numbers. Hope the news is good.

Thank you for all the support. It helps to know that other stirrup queens have my back.