Big day today **Updated with pics**

Today was a big day. I had one of my now twice-weekly NST/AFI checks at my OBs office. The lion cub did well – he actually stayed on the monitors well this time! And his fluid is still about the same – 6.5. The doc from the big hospital recommended I get steroid shots for his lungs and my OB decided that since there is no harm in doing it he would have it administered today. He said he’d held off before now because babies of mom’s with pregnancy-induced hypertension (aka gestational hypertenstion or PIH) tend to mature faster than babies of mother’s who don’t have it. And given that the baby has been coping well under these conditions for three weeks now, he thought it wasn’t necessary. But since it doesn’t hurt anything we went for it. I have another NST/AFI on Friday afternoon, after our appointment for our car seat installation.

We had our hospital tour tonight. I learned some great things – each room has wireless telemetry so even though I have to be on bp and baby heart rate monitors while laboring, I’ll still be able to get up and be mobile to work through labor. Woohoo! I’ve been concerned about it since I learned we’d most likely be induced a bit early and even if I’m not they will want me to labor in the hospital instead of at home anyway. The hospital has a bunch of birth balls in all sizes for laboring moms. The beds are transformers and allow mom’s to labor in just about any position they want. All the delivery and recovery rooms are private. The rooms for vaginal birth are awesome. The recovery rooms for c-section moms, not so much (way way “cozier”). There is wireless internet access in the lobby but not on the maternity ward. So we can bring the laptop and I’ll be able to write posts and then Dh will have to take the laptop downstairs to post and send emails. It’s not ideal but it is totally doable.

In preparing-for-baby news, I was able to return dupes to both Target (with original receipts) and BRU and get $300 in cash and credits to use to get things we actually need (instead of the 2nd tub, 2nd mobile, 5 extra fuzzy blankets, etc). I did most of my shopping last week and got the last few items yesterday (breast pump parts, basket for dirty clothes, bottles, bath towels, cloth diapers for burp rags). It feels so good to be done shopping! Now I just have to finish organizing.

Part of the shopping involved upgrading our photo and video equipment. Our brand new digital SLR arrived today. Woohoo! It’s so great – I can’t wait to play with it tomorrow. We already had compatible lenses (including a telephoto lens) from our old non-digital SLRs. And we had the right size memory card since we bought one for my brother’s similar camera when we borrowed it for our trip to Paris in October. I’m so excited to have a camera that can handle low light and the need for a fast flash. We regularly miss pictures of the nieces and nephews due to low light and it makes me nutty. I’d go crazy if that happened with our own child.

Last weekend we also got a new video camera. I read about it in the NY.Times and it sounded perfect – pocket sized, no memory cards, disks or tapes and it does really well in low light. It is so small and so easy to use I can’t imagine getting anything else. And it was cheap! We used it at my dad’s 60th bday party last weekend and I was impressed. It has 2g of memory built in, enough for 60 minutes of video and when you are done, you plug it into your computer via the built-in USB. Love it!

I’m also keeping myself occupied with knitting and sewing – for our baby and the babies of my two friends and two SILs who are due at the same time as we are. I’ve cut out two knit blankets and just need to sew them up. And I’m working on embellishing the cloth diapers to make them a bit more fun.


Last week I started and finished a knit cap for our lion cub – I’ve made the same hat at least a dozen times for the kids of our friends and it felt so good to make one we get to keep. But I finished it so fast (waiting for just two appointments), that I had to find a new project to keep me busy while waiting. This came across my blog reader and it is just perfect. But I can’t afford $120 for yarn to make it and none of my local yarn shops carried anything as vibrant in a yarn that was machine washable and dryable (a must for a blanket for a baby I think), so I went to Michael’s and was surprised to find just what I needed.
I bought six skeins of Lion.Brand Wool-Ease Thick and Quick (pumpkin, butterscotch, grass, sky blue, fisherman, and taupe), needles and still spent half the cost of the original yarn. I started it tonight and it is knitting up quick and easy – perfect for waiting for appointments twice a week.

Since things are still looking okay three weeks after I started leave, I’m hoping I can make it four more weeks at least. Partly because my OB is on vacation for two weeks in mid-June and partly because I still have so many little things to make and do before he gets here. And I really want him to be a Cancer (like his dad) so he can wear the super cute onsie we got him at the Gap when we found out he was a boy. I’m greedy like that.

Holiday catch-up

Things have been a little crazy around here. Scott and I take turns looking at each other every couple of days and asking if it is really real. Neither of us can believe that we actually managed to get pregnant, much less on our own, while on our dream vacation. Sure, I miscarried weeks before and that sucked (its suckiness hits me sometimes when I see women who are as pregnant as I'd be if that one little thing had stuck around). For all we knew it would take us another 18 months or IVF to get pregnant for good. How fabulously wrong we were -- for the better.

So around 10 weeks I started feeling better. It didn't last long! I had a great week though -- DH and I did some shopping and mailed off our Xmas cards and the gifts to his families. I made a great superman cape for our nephew. After that, I lost a lot of steam, seemingly overnight!

My family holidays have a special craziness. My older brother's bday is the 20th, my younger brother's bday is the 22nd and of course mine is the 27th. We were raised in a very Catholic household and Christmas was a special time all its own. But our family took it (and still takes it) to a whole other level. Growing up, we only had cake in December. And we fought to have separate parties. These days we all just hope to get calls on our big day and are happy to have a little private peace to our selves.

On the 22nd, we met up with my brother and his wife for a little hockey game. My SIL ordered my brother a box of chicago love -- chicago dogs and pizza and cheesecake. It was crazy -- everything (mustard and all!) was packed on dry ice. We all pigged out before the game and Joe and I were totally sick through the first two periods. I ended up throwing up at an intermission and then felt better. But a word to the wise -- chicago dogs are NOT good on the way back out. Those peppers burn! LOL. Our team lost but we had fun anyway -- we were also celebrating their new pregnancy. :) They have a 17 month old daughter and really wanted another child for a long time and were really worried about whether it would happen, given my brother's poor health this year and his scary prognosis. And we are all thrilled that we'll get to share this new thing together. My SIL and I are the only girls in our families and have been close since she started dating my brother 10 years ago, despite a 7 year age gap. They are so supportive of us and I'm so glad we are in a place were we can be supportive right back.

On the eve of Xmas eve I did a little more sewing and then took a nap before dinner with my dad and his wife. It was the only time we could find for us to get together and it turned out to be a really nice chance to just sit and talk with them instead of trying to talk in between seeing tons of other relatives. My dad already has 4 grandchildren but is very cautiously excited for us. He's more cautious than I would have expected considering that he's a big optimist, but I think seeing us so sad and scared for so long had an effect on him too and he doesn't want to get his hopes up too high. He prays for us and in our darkest hours was a real comfort to both of us with his trademark phrase -- God is good, God is great.

After dinner with my dad, I stayed up late sewing more capes for two more adorable nephews -- this time personalized with their own super hero emblems. :)

Christmas eve I was exhausted and a little stressed. We had a lot to do to get the house ready for a party for 10 adults and 4 kids. The living room had to be totally rearranged and I wasn't in the best shape to help. Poor hubby! We stayed up until 1:30 sewing and wrapping gifts and getting set up.

We slept in Christmas morning and had TJ's chocolate croissants for breakfast while opening our stockings. We decided months ago not to exchange gifts and it sounded great in theory but was tough to do in practice so we compromised and exchanged stocking stuffers. It was fun to think of sweet little things he would like. :) It turned out great and we both felt a nice sense of abundance even without any big gifts.

I made the mistake of making a regular weekend breakfast after that. So not a good idea. I spent the hours I was supposed to be getting food ready throwing up in our kitchen sink. Yuck! My lightbulb moment hit just as I was supposed to get dressed -- too much food, even two bites too many, means throwing up. So STOP eating!

The family thing was fun. My mom and G'ma came and brought my uncle and his longtime gf. They'd never been to our house so it was a treat to show off all our hard work. My brother's both were here with their four kids (six weeks to almost 3). The oldest napped through half the party and had to be bribed with presents to wake up. ;) The middle two are 4 months apart and are funny without even talking. They would walk up to the buffet, and reach up over their head to grab whatever food might be in reach. They ate everything they could get their little tiny hands on and left powdered sugar hand prints all over everything as proof! Baby Ali, just six weeks old, was a darling in her Christmas dress and sweetly slept through the party too. Opening gifts was a sight to behold -- paper everywhere -- but everyone seemed happy with their gifts. We even got one for Baby K -- a pair of tiny pink shoes with lions on them. We have no idea if it will be a girl, but we love lions and pink lions things are rare so my SIL snapped them up.

After everyone left we checked our mail and I was surprised to discover that I'd gotten my annual benefits letter from work and it included news of a raise, a promotion and a bonus. What a great gift! I work for a non-profit and never in a million years expected a bonus. I'm really thankful though as it will come in handy for all the things we need now that we didn't think we'd ever have to buy.

After everything calmed down we called to check in with the ILs and got another surprise. My SIL, the one with the 2 year old who came to visit in October, is also pg and is due 3 days before me. I wish I could say I handled the news well but I didn't. Instead of a feeling my own pregnant zen, I was a bitter pissed of IFer again. It really freaking stung. She's 40 and got pg both times without much effort. That alone kicks my ass. I know it shouldn't. But it does. I started trying when I was 31. And it took us 15 cycles to get pg, only to miscarry. Then 18 more to get pg again, only to miscarry badly. Sure I'm pg now but damn did that road suck. And hearing the ease with which other's conceive still kicks my ass apparently. I'm also a bit bitter than our child will have to share so much from the very beginning. SIL lives near the ILs, several hundred miles away from us. I can't imagine that they'll make the trip to see our little one when their daughter has one a few minutes away.

I spent the days after Christmas in a haze. I napped a lot and dreamed about our baby. At twelve weeks it really started to feel real. As the year drew to a close and a new year started, a year when we'd finally be parents, all I could think about was: This new year is the year we get our dream come true. Don't get me wrong, I still have moments, and heck days, when I get terrified that things will all go fantastically wrong, a larger part of me believes that this is finally our turn for things to go fantastically right. And I want to enjoy it, for all its wonder.

And my last bit of update: I had my 12 week check up today. All bloodwork and tests were fine, I lost a pound (thanks to a lingering cold) which is fine since I am overweight to begin with, bp is fine, all looks good. And we finally got to hear the hb, at a wondrous 150 bpm. Doc is happy with my progress and shares our wonder at our happy situation. She confirmed that at this point as long as all screening comes back fine, we are on cruise control for now, with good things on the horizon. NT scan is Monday and we'll get our results then.

I hope the new year brings peace and good things to all my fellow stirrup queens.

Making Progress

Sorry I can’t seem to get it together to post more often. I have a million things racing around my head, and I often think, oh I should post that. And then life gets in the way.

I had a wacky weekend.

A dear friend, a woman from a local message board, and a fellow stirrup queen, adopted a baby girl last week. Her and her husband had been through several wrenching years of…crap. Some hope, though always followed by loss, way too much loss for two sweet people. For anyone. They started the domestic, private adoption process this summer and their baby girl was born last week. They are home settling in, happy as can be. Mutal friends decided to put a care package together for them and it sounded like the perfect opportunity for me to get back to my sewing machine. So I spent Saturday personalizing two little itty bitty onsies and making up a simple, coordinated fleece outfit – pants and little jacket. My dear sweet hubby was practically in tears looking at the tiny soft goodness.

Saturday afternoon we got a call from hubby’s parents asking oh so innocently if we wanted to have dinner with them. They live 400 miles away and were “in the neighborhood” (really over 100 miles away) for a family funeral on Saturday, and we were expecting to host them on Sunday at our house for an overnight visit (yes on a work night). Instead, they had driven over the mountains and through the woods to have dinner with us. They didn’t call until they were already halfway to our house. There was no way to say no since we rarely get to see them. So we went to a funky Chinese place for dinner and then they turned around and drove 100 miles back to their hotel to sleep. They were back at our house by noon on Sunday.

The visit itself was nice. It is always nice to see them, especially when they visit us. It means so much to my hubby for them to see our house and know that he is happy. SIL and her 2 year old were with hubby’s parents on the visit and that was challenging. He is very active and our house is not kid proof (why should it be when we don’t have kids?). Our solution was to take him to a nearby park and for the most part it worked. It wasn’t until dinner that things went a bit south (he wants to eat like a dog, stand on furniture and stay up past my bedtime). Ah, the joys of not being a child’s parent.

This week, my plan is to finally tackle and finish the baby gifts I have planned for my brother and SIL’s baby girl, due next week. A little tiny hat, knit just for her, is almost finished. Two others, knit on our trip, are too big for a baby. Next up, a few decorated onsies especially for her, and a very pink sleep sack. Then I need to tackle all the Christmas gift and decoration sewing on my to do list.

As for progress on the baby front, there is none. Still waiting for AF, have absolutely no idea when she will show. I hit zero around the week of October 5th and finally stopped spotting on October 17th. Seems like she should be here any time in the next ten days. Any ideas on when or what to expect?

Better

Yesterday was better. My brother’s doctor’s office finally sent the necessary info to the insurance company. Wooohooo! Progress. I only had to make two dozen calls to get it moving.

Last night, DH and I rode our bikes to the free music in the park. The ride was nice right up until the end when his bike stalled out. LOL. It just refused to go. We decided to enjoy the evening anyway and settled in with our pizza and beer for the free show. The music was great. The people watching was great. The weather was perfect. It was quite a lovely evening.

We decided to take the lightrail home, get the car and come back for our bikes. Only problem was we missed the train and the next one wasn’t for another 30 minutes. And it was a 30 minute train ride to get the 2 miles to our house (tons of stops!). So we got a cab, got the car and went to get the bikes. We treated ourselves to our favorite ice cream on the way home and it was the perfect end to a really good night.

I love Friday’s. Friday is my Star.bucks day. My favorite barista made my grande triple vanilla latte with extra foamy organic milk with just the right balance of foam and steamed milk. Yumm.

I hope I can find some time to sew this weekend. Summer is coming to a fast end and I have three more summer shirts I want to make. I need to get cracking if I have any hope of finishing them and wearing them before it gets too cold.

getting started

I created this blog at least a month ago and haven't bothered to post anything yet. What a slacker I am!

I'm an avid blog reader -- it all started with julie at alittlepregnant.com. From there I discovered a whole online community of women (and a few men) dealing with infertility. It was exactly what i needed to help me get through a really dark time -- my brother's wives were pregnant and we had just had a miscarriage after over a year of trying and a few medicated cycles. I needed to know that despite the sucky circumstance, that I wasn't alone and there were others who shared my pain. I decided that it was time to contribute something to the discussion, even if no one reads it.

We still aren't parents (or pregnant) but we've moved on to other things for the time being. We are in the final planning stages for a trip to Paris in October for our 4th anniversary. We are enjoying the summer on our beautiful deck as we wait for our tomatoes to ripen. We check the garden everyday for new blooms and veggies. I've taken up sewing and the dining room table has been covered in patterns and fabric for most of the summer. We've taken in a few minor league ball games, seen a few concerts, and had a few lovely afternoons with our nephews (who now number 3) and neice. All in all its a good place to be.

A passion flower from the garden. I love summer.