So last time I posted, I just received the shots of methotrexate to end the pregnancy that would not quit. Everything seemed fine over the weekend – suspiciously fine. No cramping, no bleeding. Nothing out of the ordinary.
Until yesterday. I was in a meeting at work when I started to feel faint and thought I might throw up. I freaked out and had a coworker take me to the ER at the big/local/teaching hospital (otherwise known as BLT). DH met me there and we wiled away the evening explaining my sorry state to a million new people. The end result was that the numbers still hadn't fallen and there were "products of conception" in my uterus and they needed to come out.
I was told to stop eating at midnight last night to prep for a possible D&C today. The doc on call (who was fantastic that DH and I both want her to be our best friend. She is going to be known as Dr.Fantastic) today decided to do another ultrasound instead of scheduling the D&C. The u/s showed the same thing as yesterday's -- stuff in my uterus. Dr.Fantastic decided to wait until we have the results of Thursday's previously scheduled beta before proceeding.
So I am still pregnant. I never thought I'd be in a position to wish for the end of a pregnancy given how long it took us to get here and how much we wanted, and still want, a child. But man, I am so totally over this.
To distract myself, I have been sewing tops. I started the pink floral one the night before we found out I was pregnant. I finished it the weekend I had bleeding I thought would be the end of this pregnancy. I started the yellow and white one last Friday and finished on Saturday. I’ve almost finished with another one already – a white t-shirt. I have at least a half dozen more things to make before our trip to Paris in 24 days.
I feel like a fraud for being so excited about our trip while I’m still in the process of miscarrying. How can any sane person who has longed for a child as long as we have find joy in anything when they are in the process of losing a pregnancy? Does that invalidate my stirrup queens membership card?