Monday, September 3, 2007

Monday Meltdown

I was doing so well until today. The suspense is driving me crazy and I just lost it. I'm angry and taking it out on my poor sweet husband. I picked a fight with him until I disolved into sloppy wet tears.

A few weeks ago, I was finally happy despite our inability to conceive (much less carry) a child. Really happy. Content with my life and our future, knowing that someday we'd have kids. Somehow. And then I found out that despite the odds, I managed to get pregnant.

And now I can't imagine how this turns out well. I've had cramping all weekend, plus more spotting since Saturday morning, not matter how still I try to be. It's not a lot, just enough to drive me insane. I did two more blood draws, on Saturday and today and should hear the results on Tuesday. I don't even know what number would be considered good.

I wonder how I'll be happy again if this doesn't turn into a spring baby. How the heck am I going to cope? How do I get over another, swifter, deeper kick to the gut?

2 comments:

The Town Criers said...

I'm sorry, sweetie. I'm sending good thoughts for the results you're getting back today.

Sherry said...

Gosh Sarah - I'm so sorry. Keeping my fingers crossed for your results today.