Monday, September 3, 2007

Monday Meltdown

I was doing so well until today. The suspense is driving me crazy and I just lost it. I'm angry and taking it out on my poor sweet husband. I picked a fight with him until I disolved into sloppy wet tears.

A few weeks ago, I was finally happy despite our inability to conceive (much less carry) a child. Really happy. Content with my life and our future, knowing that someday we'd have kids. Somehow. And then I found out that despite the odds, I managed to get pregnant.

And now I can't imagine how this turns out well. I've had cramping all weekend, plus more spotting since Saturday morning, not matter how still I try to be. It's not a lot, just enough to drive me insane. I did two more blood draws, on Saturday and today and should hear the results on Tuesday. I don't even know what number would be considered good.

I wonder how I'll be happy again if this doesn't turn into a spring baby. How the heck am I going to cope? How do I get over another, swifter, deeper kick to the gut?


The Town Criers said...

I'm sorry, sweetie. I'm sending good thoughts for the results you're getting back today.

Sherry said...

Gosh Sarah - I'm so sorry. Keeping my fingers crossed for your results today.